My titles are just getting cleverer and cleverer.
I know things are changing because even on days like today, when I wake up just the same way as I used to, hating everything and just looking for a way out (and not finding one), my thoughts still somehow morph into “don’t throw today away” and “OPERATION: INSTITUTE.” Thinking of Institute has been unbelievably helpful. I was walking to the bus stop this morning and tried to put myself in my Institute-shoes: My Institute Self would have felt so badass and good about herself for getting those tests graded and that tracker updated, even though she had to stay up until 2:30 doing it. She wouldn’t throw today away, and she would take every second in the classroom as an opportunity to learn for her own experience. She would be looking forward to the chance to try out some things she knew she could change about her execution, and she would be looking forward to soaking up today’s PLAN or EXEC sessions afterward. And she would be already making mental lists of things she would start attacking on the bus ride home.
So… *sigh* that’s what I’m trying to do. My exhaustion is bad-ass-ery; my incompetence is willingness to learn, and my dread of my school and my job is … pure grit and determination to make kids learn today.