I often find myself talking about my ‘lack of direction’–but without fail, upon reflection, I remember that the problem is that I feel compelled to go in too MANY directions.
These are the things that make me go. Someone show me how to live a life that changes the world and involves some satisfactory combination of these things:
- Changing the landscape of education in San Antonio, TX.
- Living in Portland, OR.
- Feminist action.
- Anti-racist action.
- Completing tasks; to-do lists.
- Planning & organizing (orchestrating events, writing agendas, etc.)
- Helping new teachers. More specifically, new TFA corps members once they have started teaching. Post-labor-day but pre-rejuvenation first-year teachers.
- Making life easier for teachers in general. This CRAZY job should be … redistributed, somehow.
- Working with TFA people.
- Human Biology, physiology, pathology. Pharmacology (I think). ANATOMY.
- Working for equality in health care in the US.
- Paying attention and getting others to pay attention to climate change.
- Mobilizing, motivating YOUNG PEOPLE.
- Traveling alone to a bunch of big cities (Chicago, London, Memphis are next on my list)
- Learning math (myself).
- Thinking about how humans learn and conceptualize mathematics.
- Getting better at rowing (in a good eight, a single, a double, or a pair).
- Dancing Argentine Tango.
- Spending lots of time with children between 0 and 8 years of age.
- Making music in groups.
The thing that makes this so infuriating is that I could live an amazing and fulfilling life pursuing any one of these items in relative isolation. If I found a way to work really hard at giving something to the world, I could do it through any one of these avenues and call it my whole life’s calling.
I know I don’t need to create the perfect life built flawlessly in a way that Makes Sense from all these pieces–and I know most of these pieces really only mean to me what they do because of my exposure and experiences thus far. I know that I’m much more likely to live life like a hummingbird with ADD than a visionary with a single mission. But I DO feel, and can’t shake the feeling, that I’m missing out on something major by not choosing All of the Above.