As an optimist, I tend to find things to be happy about—especially in things that are too late to change. So maybe this lovely August feeling I have is part of that coping mechanism.
BUT. That said. Can I just take a second and talk about how happy I am that I’m not writhing with anxiety right now? Maybe bumming around reading and applying for jobs isn’t the absolute coolest thing I could be doing, but I’m just really glad that every morning does not have the weight of nine months hanging on it. I’m not obsessing over the arrangement of my classroom, or feeling guilty for not having my first unit plan written, or having nightmares about the first day of school (my nightmares are all about Chick-Fil-A now, aaa!). I’m not doing that awful wrestling dance between “ambitious” and “feasible.” I don’t have any of those summer-is-ending August Blues I see in my friends who have reluctantly started devoting time to Getting Ready For It.
I also know I’m not going to see any of my babies in a couple weeks, which is going to make this all start feeling more real. I’m facebook-friends with a lot of them now, which is bittersweet. Every once in a while I run into some of them on the bus, and I’m always at a loss—who am I to them, if not their teacher? … I’m a weird lady on the bus who looks at them with those “follow your dreams” eyes.
For real, though—and sorry to those of you who need motivation right now—myAugust is a pretty good feeling. Maybe I did the right thing.