I have some informal skeletons of blog posts halfway planned out in my mind, but I’m postponing those after spending some time perusing the current TFUs buffet.
I felt a little bad after writing the post before last. Maybe it’s obvious and maybe it’s not, but I’m in this weird place of trying to figure out exactly what kind of honesty is best and appropriate, and I’m not sure whether those truths really contributed much to the general discourse.
This post, however, is a somewhat nostalgic contrast. In a weird, sideways, I-remember-how-horrible-that-was kind of way. I’m reading about peoples’ first weeks, or their first tastes of their second year, and I’m awash with almost PTSD-like memories of rushing out the door in the dark mornings, of twisting myself inside out on the way home, of all my students and their hidden problems that were so much bigger than me.
But mostly, I’m remembering the hundreds of conversations I had that allowed me to survive what I know now was not a normal first year of teaching (if there is such a thing). Online and in real life, in and out of tears, solutions-based or reactionary, my conversations with my roommate, my PD, other teachers, other bloggers, my kids, TFA San Antonio staff members, and others are what pushed me from one day to the next. Even as I learn more and more that my weaknesses as a teacher were weaknesses in relationships, I’m remembering that relationships are what kept me afloat. There are so many wonderful people to whom I owe so much. Thank you to all of you for our conversations!